In Morning
by trufflemores
Summary: Cisco reflects on Dante's death, in haikus.


"Can I come with you?"

Cisco pauses at the door—

Says, "If you want to."

.

They walk in silence

As the wind chill sinks to ten.

Cisco leads the way.

.

Barry trails until

The slightest shiver draws the

Coat from his shoulders.

.

"Take it," he insists,

"I don't need it anymore."

He isn't lying.

.

After the lightning

Barry became a hero.

Cisco – something else.

.

The algorithm

Steals his sleep, insisting that

Bad days are ahead.

.

(Preponderance: noun

The quality of being

Greater in number

.

Like flies on a run.

Caitlin says, "Correlation"

Cisco: "More factors."

.

There are too many

Ways it can go wrong; as if

He's destined for it.

.

He'd voice his fears, but

In the silence he worries

Someday they'll come true.)

.

. o .

.

The meeting is long.

It must get on Barry's nerves.

Sitting for so long.

.

The meeting proceeds

Some tragedies are too great

To speak of alone.

.

They ask Cisco if

He wants to speak on Dante's

Behalf—he declines.

.

What else can he say?

 _I miss him more than my life_

 _Morning, day, and night._

 _._

 _I never told him_

 _How much I admired his_

 _Strength and will to live._

 _._

 _I resented him_

 _I despised him at times. Yet—_

 _We were brothers, too._

 _._

 _Loneliness eats me_

 _Alive, like I am a shell_

 _Of who I once was._

 _._

 _I can remember_

 _His favorite color, his_

 _Favorite season_

 _._

 _The sound of his laugh,_

 _The way he made Mama smile,_

 _Papa's robust praise._

.

" _Dante!" they'd exclaim_

" _Beautiful boy! Cherished one!_

" _Our first and foremost."_

 _._

 _He did everything_

 _Played the piano, loved songs_

 _Moved the world to tears._

 _._

 _Oxymoron: a_

 _Contradiction of being._

" _Dante died last night."_

 _._

 _My heart stopped; my blood_

 _Would not carry a pulse; my_

 _Breath stuck in my chest._

 _._

 _I waited five hours_

 _For him to come home, texting_

 _"¿Por dónde andas?"_

 _._

 _What happens when your_

 _Brother dies? Are you still your_

 _Parents' youngest son?_

 _._

 _He was there every_

 _Day of my life; I wanted_

 _To be there for his._

 _._

 _It should've lasted._

 _No one should have to die at_

 _Thirty-three years old._

 _._

 _He had a good life._

 _The past tense is worse each time._

 _He was a good man._

.

They ask again: "Speak

On behalf of your brother

If it pleases you."

.

Nothing ever could.

But for them, he tries. For them

He says, "I miss him.

.

"I miss him like you

Would miss your own name, were it

Taken from your soul.

.

"I miss him like you

Would miss your shadow, surplus

Until you need it.

.

"I miss him like you

Would miss your favorite song;

Your favorite book.

.

"We were meant to be

Together for the rest of

Our lives. I want more.

.

"I want one more day

Another hour with him.

One more second, please.

.

"I don't know what I

Would trade for just one minute

Everything is fair.

.

"I miss him," Cisco

Laments, covering his eyes.

"I miss him so much."

.

Barry puts a hand

On Cisco's shoulder; leaves it

There as Cisco weeps.

.

At last they leave with

A prayer for the deceased: _May_

 _Their souls rest in peace._

.

. o .

.

It would be faster

To run home; warmer; simpler.

Nothing is simple.

.

Barry's coat is just

Enough to fend off the wind.

It's what Cisco needs.

.

There is a weight to

Barry's presence that allows

Cisco to endure.

.

It is _I am here_.

It is _I am here for you._

It is _I'm sorry_.

.

. o .

.

Home is familiar

Paired with unfamiliar things

Like Barry's Flash boots

.

In the entryway;

Barry's imprint all over

The coffee table.

.

Even the couch bears

Barry's scent; the kitchen is

A mixture of them.

.

Pancakes Cisco loves;

Enough bacon to feed a

Small revolution.

.

Fridge fuller than a

Frat house on homecoming night

Stacked sky high with eggs.

.

Cupboards full: cornflakes

Cinnamon, sugar; berries,

Apricots, Poptarts.

.

A half-finished list

Grows daily by the dozen

Thank God for coupons.

.

(Cisco's pockets are

Only so deep: free food is

Their bread and butter.

.

Restaurants love to

Serve _The Flash_ ; _The Flash_ eats free

Monday to Sunday.)

.

Those coffee cup stains

That drive Caitlin bananas

Don't bother Barry.

.

Few things do: lightning

Is Barry's compass. Lightning

Doesn't mind chaos.

.

Chaos is lived-in

Chaos is how Cisco feels

"You don't smile a lot."

.

Barry's coat ends on

The floor; Barry's boots - the door.

Barry doesn't mind.

.

Barry gives him space

Wandering upstairs; Cisco

Finally exhales.

.

It's exhausting to

Come home from a meeting and

Know he has to live.

.

He can't change his life

With a snap of his fingers.

He has to live it.

.

He can't save Dante.

He can't save Dante. He can't—

It eats him alive.

.

He follows Barry

Upstairs, taking refuge in

Unoccupied space.

.

Barry's room is a

Clusterfuck of unpacked things,

Living in limbo.

.

Transient, it warns:

 _Don't get attached; I won't be_

 _Staying much longer_.

.

Cisco wants to say

 _Mi casa es tu casa._

He keeps his silence.

.

Cisco picks up an

Old picture on the nightstand

Team Flash is all smiles.

.

It makes something deep

In his soul ache for a time

Before time travel.

.

The first rule of time

Travel is _Be careful: you_

 _Only get one shot._

.

Cisco looks around

And sees a life built upon

Temporal debris.

.

(Loneliness: noun, the

Feeling of being alone,

Apart from the world.

.

How many timelines

Separate their origins

Twenty? Ten-thousand?)

.

Barry walks into

The room, looking exactly

Like Cisco expects.

.

He's tall, lean and full

Of hidden strength; a force of

Nature on his own.

.

Golden eyes, golden

Heart. Easy gait, easy gaze.

Cisco's heart beats fast.

.

(He dreams about it:

How a speedster killed him in

Another lifetime.

.

He thinks _Barry would_

 _Never hurt me._ Tell that to

The day- and nightmares.)

.

Barry's posture is

Subdued, slouched shoulders, bent head:

All, _I come in peace._

.

Cisco thinks _I'm in_

 _Your space_. But it's all his home.

Barry's presence stains.

.

Their life is a war

Of conflicting interests

Come here, but don't stay.

.

Cisco thinks about

What forgiveness would feel like

How much it would hurt.

.

He asks Dante's ghost

To guide him, to give him strength,

To give him the words.

.

"I'm sorry," Barry

Says. "I'm so sorry." Cisco

Wants to believe it.

.

"Change it," he commands,

"If you're so sorry." A stab

Would hurt less than this.

.

Barry backs down and

Cisco can almost see him

Accept the wrong choice.

.

Then he says, "Okay"

And a thrill of fear and joy

Sweeps over Cisco.

.

Barry straightens, a

Hint of steel amid all that

Gold. He asks, "You sure?"

 _._

 _Never more_ , Cisco

Thinks, heart in his throat because

Barry takes his hand.

.

Barry says, "Trust me."

Cisco wants to respond, "How?"

He closes his eyes.

.

The world does not break

It disappears. Barry's hand

Is Cisco's anchor.

.

He knows the feel of

Speed Force, even if there is

Nothing to ground him.

.

Then he hears a voice

From the darkness, a laugh he

Knows, pain in his chest.

.

" _Hermano!_ " Dante

Rejoices. "Hermano! It's

You! Paco! Paco!"

.

The bear hug is tight

Cisco wants to cry. Barry

Keeps a hand on him.

 _._

 _Don't go far_ , he says

Without saying anything

 _Or you will fall down._

.

Cisco wants to ask

"Where to?" But he is sobbing

Into Dante's chest.

.

"I missed you," he says

"I missed you, I missed you, I –"

Dante holds him tight.

.

The hand on his back

Is a constant reminder

That this is a dream.

.

A slow waking dream,

The good kind, the one where he

Doesn't want to leave.

.

For a century

They hold on to each other

Like a dying wish.

.

Cisco cannot speak.

He waited forever for

This moment to come.

.

Reunion: noun; brought

Together by chance, purpose,

Simple good fortune.

.

Barry speaks to Flash

Apologizing, thanking

Promising penance.

.

To Cisco, it's not

A concern. Prometheus

Has a stronger back.

.

He holds onto his

Brother for as long as the

Universe allows.

.

It is more patient

Than Cisco expects, more kind

Than he can endure.

.

Dante just hugs him

A golden glow Cisco knows

Mantles his shoulders.

.

"I'm okay," he says,

"I'm okay." Cisco holds on

Memorizing him.

.

When at last his breath

Returns, he pulls back and says,

"I love you so much."

.

"I never told you

How much you mattered to me.

Then it was too late.

.

"I was young, and I

Rejected the chance to be

Your brother, proper.

.

"The night you died—" He

Shudders, momentarily

Stilled. "I thought I had."

.

"I got the phone call

Just after midnight. There was

A bad accident."

.

"You didn't make it."

Dante holds him at arm's length.

Barry holds him back.

.

"They pronounced you dead

At the scene. They told me it

That it was painless."

.

"Was it?" Cisco asks,

The lump in his throat trying

To suffocate him.

.

Dante pulls him close.

"Hermano," he says, "my death

Does not change me now."

.

"I am well," Dante

Declares, speaking on behalf

Of himself at last.

.

Cisco nods, rushing

Nothing, letting himself be

Happy for a change.

.

It is joyful here.

Addictively safe, at peace.

Dante belongs here.

.

"May the Speed Force be

With you," Cisco says, from half

A lifetime ago.

.

Dante ruffs his hair

Affectionate disrepair.

"Be well," he counsels.

.

The Ghost steps forward

And Dante partially turns.

"Will you be okay?"

.

Cisco can see the

Way they collaborate, like

Family across worlds.

.

Does Flash get lonely?

Cisco doesn't know. But he

Knows that it's farewell.

.

Barry's hand never

Leaves his back, a reminder.

 _You have to come home._

.

There is so much that

Cisco wants to ask. But he

Refrains. It can wait.

.

Speed Force is always.

As long as Barry is there

Then he can come back.

.

Knowing that it's not

The end makes it possible

To nod and let go.

.

. o .

.

Turquoise stars blink as

They settle down in the grass.

Cisco breathes deeply.

.

Barry lets go and

Cisco turns to face him. There

Are tears on his face.

.

"I can't change it," he

Says. "I'm sorry. I'm so sor—"

Cisco kisses him.

.

Barry freezes. Then

He melts into it, cupping

Cisco's face, relieved.

.

It's Speed Force, Cisco

Justifies. It's the lightning.

It's being alive.

.

It's something about

 _The universe wants us to_

 _Be bros_. It's Dante.

.

It's achingly sweet.

It's exactly what he needs.

It's Barry. It's _Flash_.

.

Barry took something

Irreplaceable from him

Then he gave it back.

.

It'll hurt when the

Euphoria wears off and

The morning sun comes.

.

But Cisco missed this,

His best friend, his above all.

He missed being loved.


End file.
